[Various Passages]
{Rev. Dwight Yoo}
Today, we will get practical. Maybe a little too practical... some of us might get uncomfortable.
For married couples
Sex is about servanthood
"Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: "It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman." But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control." - 1 Corinthians 7:1-5
Don't deprive the other of sex except by agreement. We are not our own... rather they are one flesh and belong to one another. To withhold sex from one another without mutual agreement is defrauding each other. The heart of marriage is not to demand things from the other. It is to love and serve the other. The attitude behind this is not of demanding conjugal rights... but rather one of serving. This is also one of the main reasons that masturbation is wrong. Masturbation is self-seeking pleasure, it is not serving the other. Sex is not about fulfilling our desires and urges. It is not about satisfying our demands/desires. When sex is selfish, it becomes an act of mutual masturbation instead of an act of love. That kind of sex is destructive. Even when the couple is married. Selfish sex is destructive.
Good Sex Starts Outside the Bedroom
One of the concepts we discussed is that sex is a representation of the oneness that a couple has achieved. When a couple feels close spiritually, emotionally, and mentally, they will have a good sex life. The way to fix a bad sex life is not in the bedroom. They need to stay close and not feel withdrawn or distant. They need to reconnect as friends, on dates, and doing the things they did when they were courting. Speaking words of love and appreciation. That is the way to a good sex life.
Sex should make us appreciate Jesus more
"The LORD your God is in your midst,
a mighty one who will save;
he will rejoice over you with gladness;
he will quiet you by his love;
he will exult over you with loud singing." - Zephaniah 3:17
When we experience the joy of sex, it is a signpost to the one who's love is incomprehensible. Every great love song could apply to God's love for us.
For Singles
Honor the boundaries God has established reserving sex and all forms of physical intimacy for marriage.
Consider the fact that rivers runs fastest and is most powerful when it is constrained. The design of sex to be reserved for marriage is for a reason. The sharper boundaries empower sex to be better. Not only sex, but foreplay is also reserved for marriage. Foreplay is like an on-ramp... it gets us up to speed to have sex. If you are not planning on having sex, you should not be having foreplay. If you are not planning on going on a highway, you have no business being on an on-ramp.
"But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints." - Ephesians 5:3
Guard against entertaining lustful thoughts and actions that follow
The average age of marriage has increased. The challenge for Christians is greater than ever. But the standard is clear.
"You have heard that it was said, 'You shall not commit adultery.' But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart." - Matthew 5:27-28
It is ok to notice someone is attractive. That is normal. But when we dwell on them, that is a sin. There is a difference between temptation and sin. The standard is not only physical, but it also applies mentally. We are constantly tempted by the sexually charged culture we live in. Don't entertain lustful thoughts... it is easy to say. But this is a serious struggle. It feels nearly impossible. Boundaries alone are insufficient.
The battle begins in the heart.
"For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false witness, slander." - Matthew 15:19
We cannot fight sin by changing the behavior. There is a sin behind the sin. For those who look at internet porn and masturbate, there is the sin of sexual immorality. But behind that is something else, perhaps there is someone who's life seems out of control and nothing is going right... the act of porn becomes a measure of peace and pleasure. The battle is in your heart.
The war is already won.
Be reminded, that war is already won. Sexual sin brings with it an enormous amount of guilt. This guilt can really cripple us. But the gospel shines in this.
"There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." - Romans 8:1
There is a little legalism in all of us. We think we have to earn it back. When we've fallen, there is no condemnation. God is not angry and scowling. God sees us through Jesus. Sin makes us want to cover up in shame. But the blood of Christ covers all of our sin... God still loves us perfectly.
"So you also must consider yourselves dead to sin and alive to God in Christ Jesus." - Romans 6:11
Keeping in mind the grace we have in Christ, we consider ourselves dead to sin. We should get back up and fight again. Sin is like a chicken with its head cut off. It is still running around, but it is dead. When Christ died, He conquered sin and death. We keep failing and falling into sin, but it is the flails of a dying foe. Christ has already struck the deathblow. We get up and fight sin because we know it is already dead. It is just a matter of time.
Recognize that fasting from sex makes you appreciate Christ more
Consider the fact that Paul says that fasting from sex to devote time to prayer is permissible. It is saying that focusing on Jesus is recognizing He is the bread of life. When we abstain from sex, it is to focus on the true bread... the true life-giver. It is to look at that which sex points to... the one who satisfies and gives us ultimate joy. Consider the reason why we fast during Lent. There is a bad way to fast and there is a good way to fast. As we fast from sex, may we draw closer to Christ.
Aug 21, 2011
Aug 14, 2011
Sex and the Allegiance of Your Heart
[1 Thessalonians 4:1-18]
Finally, then, brothers, we ask and urge you in the Lord Jesus, that as you received from us how you ought to walk and to please God, just as you are doing, that you do so more and more. For you know what instructions we gave you through the Lord Jesus. For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God; that no one transgress and wrong his brother in this matter, because the Lord is an avenger in all these things, as we told you beforehand and solemnly warned you. For God has not called us for impurity, but in holiness. Therefore whoever disregards this, disregards not man but God, who gives his Holy Spirit to you.
Now concerning brotherly love you have no need for anyone to write to you, for you yourselves have been taught by God to love one another, for that indeed is what you are doing to all the brothers throughout Macedonia. But we urge you, brothers, to do this more and more, and to aspire to live quietly, and to mind your own affairs, and to work with your hands, as we instructed you, so that you may walk properly before outsiders and be dependent on no one.
But we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope. For since we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so, through Jesus, God will bring with him those who have fallen asleep. For this we declare to you by a word from the Lord, that we who are alive, who are left until the coming of the Lord, will not precede those who have fallen asleep. For the Lord himself will descend from heaven with a cry of command, with the voice of an archangel, and with the sound of the trumpet of God. And the dead in Christ will rise first. Then we who are alive, who are left, will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air, and so we will always be with the Lord. Therefore encourage one another with these words.
{Rev. David White}
According to scripture, the only acceptable expression of sexual intimacy is in a committed relationship of marriage. This was a radical teaching back in the Greco-Roman times. Pagan worship often involved prostitution. Men had mistresses, concubines, and wives... all for different purposes. In the passage, it is not rebuke, but rather he is calling them to radical obedience to God. Paul tells them that this is from God, not from Paul.
Our sexuality is a reflection of our inner spiritual life.
According to this passage, how we steward our sexuality reflect our allegiance. How we convey ourselves sexually tells how we are spiritually... Does our sexuality show how we are set apart by God? Scripture tells us that to be a Christian means we are bought by the blood of Christ and we are set apart for God. When Paul calls Jesus LORD, he is saying the He owns us... body and soul.
Sex is an incredible force to be handled carefully.
God has designed sex to be incredibly pleasurable. Unfortunately, our hearts want to be able to have sex when we want, how we want, etc. Paul says that people who live according to our passions don't know God. When we have sex outside of God's boundaries, we experience a splintering of our souls. Sex no longer gives the same pleasure... we become calloused. The pleasure decreases as we seek it out more and more...
"Now this I say and testify in the Lord, that you must no longer walk as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their minds. 18They are darkened in their understanding, alienated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them, due to their hardness of heart. They have become callous and have given themselves up to sensuality, greedy to practice every kind of impurity." - Ephesians 4:17-19
For those of us who are having issues with sexual immorality, consider this. If you are not having problems, God is expressing his wrath. When God presents us with the consequences of our sin, that is God expressing His love for us. You are living as one who disregards God. If God loves you, He will convict and discipline you.
God is saying that there is a holy way to control our genitals. God is also the one who put all the nerves in our genitals. He was the one who created the orgasm and called it good. Consider our God is a God of pleasure. But sex is not life-giving.
There is a deeper reality behind sex.
We are a called people. The Holy spirit has been given to us. He has given us a part of Himself. We are joined with Him. Even at it's best, marriage and sex is pointing to Someone greater. It is pointing to one who can give us rest, fulfillment, and joy. Sex that has no boundaries... makes lust insatiable. Marriage is not a cornucopia of sex... but we will be satisfied.
Finally, then, brothers, we ask and urge you in the Lord Jesus, that as you received from us how you ought to walk and to please God, just as you are doing, that you do so more and more. For you know what instructions we gave you through the Lord Jesus. For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God; that no one transgress and wrong his brother in this matter, because the Lord is an avenger in all these things, as we told you beforehand and solemnly warned you. For God has not called us for impurity, but in holiness. Therefore whoever disregards this, disregards not man but God, who gives his Holy Spirit to you.
Now concerning brotherly love you have no need for anyone to write to you, for you yourselves have been taught by God to love one another, for that indeed is what you are doing to all the brothers throughout Macedonia. But we urge you, brothers, to do this more and more, and to aspire to live quietly, and to mind your own affairs, and to work with your hands, as we instructed you, so that you may walk properly before outsiders and be dependent on no one.
But we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope. For since we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so, through Jesus, God will bring with him those who have fallen asleep. For this we declare to you by a word from the Lord, that we who are alive, who are left until the coming of the Lord, will not precede those who have fallen asleep. For the Lord himself will descend from heaven with a cry of command, with the voice of an archangel, and with the sound of the trumpet of God. And the dead in Christ will rise first. Then we who are alive, who are left, will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air, and so we will always be with the Lord. Therefore encourage one another with these words.
{Rev. David White}
According to scripture, the only acceptable expression of sexual intimacy is in a committed relationship of marriage. This was a radical teaching back in the Greco-Roman times. Pagan worship often involved prostitution. Men had mistresses, concubines, and wives... all for different purposes. In the passage, it is not rebuke, but rather he is calling them to radical obedience to God. Paul tells them that this is from God, not from Paul.
Our sexuality is a reflection of our inner spiritual life.
According to this passage, how we steward our sexuality reflect our allegiance. How we convey ourselves sexually tells how we are spiritually... Does our sexuality show how we are set apart by God? Scripture tells us that to be a Christian means we are bought by the blood of Christ and we are set apart for God. When Paul calls Jesus LORD, he is saying the He owns us... body and soul.
Sex is an incredible force to be handled carefully.
God has designed sex to be incredibly pleasurable. Unfortunately, our hearts want to be able to have sex when we want, how we want, etc. Paul says that people who live according to our passions don't know God. When we have sex outside of God's boundaries, we experience a splintering of our souls. Sex no longer gives the same pleasure... we become calloused. The pleasure decreases as we seek it out more and more...
"Now this I say and testify in the Lord, that you must no longer walk as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their minds. 18They are darkened in their understanding, alienated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them, due to their hardness of heart. They have become callous and have given themselves up to sensuality, greedy to practice every kind of impurity." - Ephesians 4:17-19
For those of us who are having issues with sexual immorality, consider this. If you are not having problems, God is expressing his wrath. When God presents us with the consequences of our sin, that is God expressing His love for us. You are living as one who disregards God. If God loves you, He will convict and discipline you.
God is saying that there is a holy way to control our genitals. God is also the one who put all the nerves in our genitals. He was the one who created the orgasm and called it good. Consider our God is a God of pleasure. But sex is not life-giving.
There is a deeper reality behind sex.
We are a called people. The Holy spirit has been given to us. He has given us a part of Himself. We are joined with Him. Even at it's best, marriage and sex is pointing to Someone greater. It is pointing to one who can give us rest, fulfillment, and joy. Sex that has no boundaries... makes lust insatiable. Marriage is not a cornucopia of sex... but we will be satisfied.
Aug 7, 2011
God's Design for Sex
[1 Corinthians 6:12-7:2]
"All things are lawful for me," but not all things are helpful. "All things are lawful for me," but I will not be enslaved by anything. "Food is meant for the stomach and the stomach for food"—and God will destroy both one and the other. The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body. And God raised the Lord and will also raise us up by his power. Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take the members of Christ and make them members of a prostitute? Never! Or do you not know that he who is joined to a prostitute becomes one body with her? For, as it is written, "The two will become one flesh." But he who is joined to the Lord becomes one spirit with him. Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.
Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: "It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman." But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband.
[Rev. Dwight Yoo]
Sex is found in our top 10 music. our movies. advertisements. Our culture is overboard in their practices in regards to sex. Friends with benefits. This is clearly not God's design & intention for sex. We need to be the light in our culture. We need to deal with sex with graciousness, seriousness, and love.
Biblical Principles on Sex
1) Sex should be celebrated as good, but not worshiped as god.
In Corinth, there were christians who were trying to justify sleeping with prostitutes. This sounds ridiculous, but there's a reasoning behind this. Greek thinking believed in dualism. There is a spirit and a body. There is low value in regards to the material and the body. The things of the body doesn't matter. Sexual urges were like an itch. If it itches, scratch it. But Paul rejects this thinking. He says the body belongs to God. Then he goes on to talk about Jesus' resurrection. Why? Because in the resurrection, Jesus was PHYSICALLY resurrected. With scars and everything. The resurrection was not only spiritual which flies contrary to this Greek view of dualism. So both spirit and body are sacred. Flesh is not just some sort of shell for the spirit, but rather tied to the spirit. So sex is a sacred and good creation of God. There is beauty and joy in sex. It is not a dirty thing. It is not a vulgar and base thing. "Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight..." - Proverbs 5:19 It speaks of a husbands delight in his wife.
But there are those who look too highly upon sex. God should reign supreme over sex. We should find our greatest satisfaction in God, not sex. The Screwtape letters speaks of what happens when we turn from God to sex as ultimate: "An ever increasing craving for an ever diminishing pleasure..." We try all these new things to make it more pleasurable. We try different things... maybe even invite other people into our sex life. And there is ever less returns for all that work. Sexual urges become our master and we become slaves. Just like any other addiction.
Sex is only to be enjoyed in marriage between a man and a woman. That is how God designed it to be. We should submit to Him in sexual matters. This is a hard sell in our day and age. To tell people that God wishes to limit their freedom. They want to do anything they wish.
"The pleasures and goodness of sex are heightened, not lessened by proper restraint, in the same way the Colorado River is made more powerful by the walls of the Grand Canyon. The very narrowness of the river's channel there makes for a greater river. Farther south, as the river flows through the deserts of California and Arizona, it is shallow, wide, and muddy, even stinky in spots. Wider boundaries diminish the river; sharper, stronger, and narrower boundaries strengthen it. Less is more." - Sex and the Supremacy of Christ
2) Sex is for Procreation, Pleasure and Bonding
Some religions say that sex is solely for procreation. How do we know? The book of Song of Solomon. There is no reference to childbearing and procreation. It is about sexual pleasure between a husband and wife. It is also about bonding between the couple. It is the physical expression of the oneness of a couple spiritually and in thinking. It is a covenant renewal. A renewing of the promise of marriage between husband and wife.
Sex outside of God's boundaries is cheapened, demeaning and hurtful...
As the body of Christ, we bring Jesus into any distorted sexual act we do. It is like we are taking Christ's hands and doing sinful vulgar things. This should not be.
It also cheapens the other party. C.S. Lewis puts it this way: "when we say of a lustful man prowling the streets that he wants a woman. Strictly speaking, a woman is just what he does not want. He wants a pleasure for which a woman happens to be the necessary piece of apparatus. How much he cares about the woman as such may be gauged by his attitude to her five minutes after fruition, One does not keep the carton after one had smoked the cigarettes." Sex without strings demeans the other person. They are simply a vehicle for your lust.
When sex is done wherever and with whomever, it loses it's bonding power. The act is no longer one of love, but rather just a simple act.
Christians at Corinth were arguing that food and sex were the same thing. But Paul says that we sin against our own body when we commit sexual immorality. What does this mean? Consider this. When we eat something, lets say we overeat... we overeat so badly that we puke our guts out. No one mentions it 4 years later. No one questions whether we are forgiven over that. But sexual immorality is quite different... it has a greater cost to those who commit it.
3) Sex is a Sign-Post
Sex teaches us something about God. "Sexuality is designed by God as a way to know God in Christ more fully." Sex is known as "knowing someone" The literal translation of the interaction between Adam and Eve was this: Adam KNEW Eve. And she conceived. God wants to know us. Not as friends. Not as acquaintances. But as a husband knows his wife. He wants to know us fully naked before one another. When heaven comes and we are standing before God, we will realize that which sex has been pointing us to all along. We will no longer need sex nor will we need it. The passion, the fulfillment, the joy, and the consumation... That is a small picture of what happens we were finally arrive Home.
"All things are lawful for me," but not all things are helpful. "All things are lawful for me," but I will not be enslaved by anything. "Food is meant for the stomach and the stomach for food"—and God will destroy both one and the other. The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body. And God raised the Lord and will also raise us up by his power. Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take the members of Christ and make them members of a prostitute? Never! Or do you not know that he who is joined to a prostitute becomes one body with her? For, as it is written, "The two will become one flesh." But he who is joined to the Lord becomes one spirit with him. Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.
Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: "It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman." But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband.
[Rev. Dwight Yoo]
Sex is found in our top 10 music. our movies. advertisements. Our culture is overboard in their practices in regards to sex. Friends with benefits. This is clearly not God's design & intention for sex. We need to be the light in our culture. We need to deal with sex with graciousness, seriousness, and love.
Biblical Principles on Sex
1) Sex should be celebrated as good, but not worshiped as god.
In Corinth, there were christians who were trying to justify sleeping with prostitutes. This sounds ridiculous, but there's a reasoning behind this. Greek thinking believed in dualism. There is a spirit and a body. There is low value in regards to the material and the body. The things of the body doesn't matter. Sexual urges were like an itch. If it itches, scratch it. But Paul rejects this thinking. He says the body belongs to God. Then he goes on to talk about Jesus' resurrection. Why? Because in the resurrection, Jesus was PHYSICALLY resurrected. With scars and everything. The resurrection was not only spiritual which flies contrary to this Greek view of dualism. So both spirit and body are sacred. Flesh is not just some sort of shell for the spirit, but rather tied to the spirit. So sex is a sacred and good creation of God. There is beauty and joy in sex. It is not a dirty thing. It is not a vulgar and base thing. "Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight..." - Proverbs 5:19 It speaks of a husbands delight in his wife.
But there are those who look too highly upon sex. God should reign supreme over sex. We should find our greatest satisfaction in God, not sex. The Screwtape letters speaks of what happens when we turn from God to sex as ultimate: "An ever increasing craving for an ever diminishing pleasure..." We try all these new things to make it more pleasurable. We try different things... maybe even invite other people into our sex life. And there is ever less returns for all that work. Sexual urges become our master and we become slaves. Just like any other addiction.
Sex is only to be enjoyed in marriage between a man and a woman. That is how God designed it to be. We should submit to Him in sexual matters. This is a hard sell in our day and age. To tell people that God wishes to limit their freedom. They want to do anything they wish.
"The pleasures and goodness of sex are heightened, not lessened by proper restraint, in the same way the Colorado River is made more powerful by the walls of the Grand Canyon. The very narrowness of the river's channel there makes for a greater river. Farther south, as the river flows through the deserts of California and Arizona, it is shallow, wide, and muddy, even stinky in spots. Wider boundaries diminish the river; sharper, stronger, and narrower boundaries strengthen it. Less is more." - Sex and the Supremacy of Christ
2) Sex is for Procreation, Pleasure and Bonding
Some religions say that sex is solely for procreation. How do we know? The book of Song of Solomon. There is no reference to childbearing and procreation. It is about sexual pleasure between a husband and wife. It is also about bonding between the couple. It is the physical expression of the oneness of a couple spiritually and in thinking. It is a covenant renewal. A renewing of the promise of marriage between husband and wife.
Sex outside of God's boundaries is cheapened, demeaning and hurtful...
As the body of Christ, we bring Jesus into any distorted sexual act we do. It is like we are taking Christ's hands and doing sinful vulgar things. This should not be.
It also cheapens the other party. C.S. Lewis puts it this way: "when we say of a lustful man prowling the streets that he wants a woman. Strictly speaking, a woman is just what he does not want. He wants a pleasure for which a woman happens to be the necessary piece of apparatus. How much he cares about the woman as such may be gauged by his attitude to her five minutes after fruition, One does not keep the carton after one had smoked the cigarettes." Sex without strings demeans the other person. They are simply a vehicle for your lust.
When sex is done wherever and with whomever, it loses it's bonding power. The act is no longer one of love, but rather just a simple act.
Christians at Corinth were arguing that food and sex were the same thing. But Paul says that we sin against our own body when we commit sexual immorality. What does this mean? Consider this. When we eat something, lets say we overeat... we overeat so badly that we puke our guts out. No one mentions it 4 years later. No one questions whether we are forgiven over that. But sexual immorality is quite different... it has a greater cost to those who commit it.
3) Sex is a Sign-Post
Sex teaches us something about God. "Sexuality is designed by God as a way to know God in Christ more fully." Sex is known as "knowing someone" The literal translation of the interaction between Adam and Eve was this: Adam KNEW Eve. And she conceived. God wants to know us. Not as friends. Not as acquaintances. But as a husband knows his wife. He wants to know us fully naked before one another. When heaven comes and we are standing before God, we will realize that which sex has been pointing us to all along. We will no longer need sex nor will we need it. The passion, the fulfillment, the joy, and the consumation... That is a small picture of what happens we were finally arrive Home.
Jul 17, 2011
Redeeming Marriage: Dysfunction & Divorce
{Various Passages}
[Rev. Dwight Yoo]
In today's day and age, there are many broken and functionally dead marriages. Kevin D. Young's outline was used as the structure. Our church does have a stance, let us know.
Major Principles on Marriage
God designed marriage to be lifelong - Matthew 19:4-6
Divorce is not ALWAYS sinful. - Matthew 19:7-8
Divorce is permitted, but not required on the grounds of sexual immorality - Matthew 19:9
Divorce is permitted, but not required on the ground of desertion by an unbelieving spouse. - 1 Corinthians 7:15
When the divorce was not permissible, any subsequent remarriage results in adultery - Matthew 19:9
In situations where the divorce was permissible, remarriage is also permissible.
This is only an overview. If you have questions, please speak to me or one of the elders.
Now for those who have divorced and have just learned they have not done so biblically... God forgives. You are not fated to live life as a second-class citizen. God covers over the gravest of all sins.
For those of us who are not divorced, do not vilify those who have divorced. We are all sinners before God. Do not make divorce some sort of special sin or landmark issue.
For those who are married or planning to marry, I have a recommended read: When Sinners Say I Do.
Practices for Building a Healthy Marriage and Preventing Marital Breakdown.
1) Prioritize YOUR own sin. - 1 Timothy 1:15
When conflicts happen, consider your own heart in light of God's view of our sin... and the example of Christ. We are not supposed to compare to our spouse. We are supposed to see our own sin first.
A Set of writers were asked to write on a topic... "What's wrong with the world?" One of the clearest responses comes from a Christian apologist and writer... "Dear Sirs, I am. Sincerely, G.K. Chesterton"
2) Recognize and repent of Ruling Desires (James 4:1-3)
When circumstances come and you do something, it was because this was already in your heart. While there are plainly sinful desires, there are some desires that are not inherently sinful. But when we take normal non-sinful desires and make them demands, they become sinful. Good things that become ultimate... can only be idols. They have displaced God. When these demands are not met, we judge and subsequently, punish our spouses. Punishment can come in the form of stonewalling, withdrawal, and lashing out. We need to recognize that what we seek does not deliver the satisfaction and fulfillment we desire... only God delivers this.
Jun 26, 2011
Redeeming Dating: A Biblical Approach
{Rev. Dwight Yoo}
"Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect." - Romans 12:2
Dating according to how the world does it is not good, it is not healthy. But many Christians do it, it is hard not to. We get this perspective from music, from movies, from all these different forms of media. It starts to become normal for people to have sex while dating. It starts to become normal for people who are dating to move in with each other and test things out. But what is normal for Christians? It is the gospel. We are to look at culture through the lens of the Gospel. The Gospel should be used to critique the culture, not the other way around.
"Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is. " - Ephesians 5:15-17
Critique of the American style of dating
1896 - Dating was introduced as a lower class euphemism for prostitution
1900 - Calling was the main word used for this. A young man would talk to her parents if interested. In the context of being in her home, with her parents.
1920's & 1930's - With the invention of the car and the advent of going out to restaurants. People went out with the car and there was a loss of protection from the home.
1960 - Sexual Revolution. The rise of "Free love": sexual orgies, homosexuality, the pill, etc.
1970 - Abortion comes on the scene.
Now - Sex is no longer associated with marriage. Dating is not necessarily going to end in marriage. There is even sex without dating: friends with benefits.
Within 100 years, this is how far we've gone from God's original design.
"Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh." - Genesis 2:24
A man should commit to marriage to one woman, his wife. And then he should leave behind the single life... and become one with his wife. Spiritually. Physically. Emotionally. Now, people want the benefits of marriage without the commitment. The entwining should happen after marriage. The short-term benefits are far outweighed by the long-term pain.
What's the bible's approach?
On one hand, dating is not mentioned in the bible. Dating as we know it only happened in recent history. Biblical concordance has no listing for dating, boyfriends or girlfriends. Historically, families arranged marriages.
But the bible does provide principles...
6 Principles For a Christian Approach to Dating
Christian Dating Has Marriage as the Goal
There is no such thing as dating for fun. Hanging out and getting to know the opposite sex should only happen when they are trying to determine whether they should marry.
Christians Can Only Date Christians
Christians should only date those whom they can marry. Christians are told not to marry non-Christians. Some Christians think that missionary dating is fine. But how does this make sense? How can a missionary, one who's heart is on God's will, date someone who does not want to please God? Putting yourself into that situation is harmful.
Christian Dating Keeps Christ at the Center
We don't begin dating to fill some sort of void. We recognize that Christ is our complete fulfillment. We recognize that all that we have, including dating & marriage, is a blessing from God. We should have thankful hearts for what God has given us through Christ.
Christian Dating Keeps Commitment Ahead of Intimacy
People believe in "test drives" but there's a problem. We are not cars. There should be a commitment before the intimacy. This is not only sexual intimacy, but also emotional intimacy. People who are dating should spend enough time to get to know each other, but there should be enough distance to guard your heart.
Christian Dating Involves Community
There was a time when women would not meet a man alone without the community. We underestimate our sinful hearts. We need accountability from the Christian community. We need to limit the time that we are alone with each other. You invite the counsel of those who are close to you.
Christian Couples Put Each Other Ahead of Themselves
"In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another." - 1 John 4:10-11
How are we to love one another? Like Jesus loved us. We are to put our comfort aside. We are called to put the other's benefit above our own. We are to put the other person first. We should be concerned with the other first. The world makes it a bargaining table. They only care about someone because of what they give. They manipulate each other to get what they want. In Christians, this is how it should look. Men should put her holiness above their hormones. Men should protect their women's purity and holiness. Women should edify and encourage their men. They should know that men's desires are easily inflamed and so dress conservatively.
Here's what the Gospel tells us:
God loves us as we are. But He also won't leave us as we are.
Even when we've failed a lot in our relationships and in dating, God restores and heals us. God empowers us to change and live differently. Our theology can supersede our biology. God gives us grace to live rightly.
"Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect." - Romans 12:2
Dating according to how the world does it is not good, it is not healthy. But many Christians do it, it is hard not to. We get this perspective from music, from movies, from all these different forms of media. It starts to become normal for people to have sex while dating. It starts to become normal for people who are dating to move in with each other and test things out. But what is normal for Christians? It is the gospel. We are to look at culture through the lens of the Gospel. The Gospel should be used to critique the culture, not the other way around.
"Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is. " - Ephesians 5:15-17
Critique of the American style of dating
1896 - Dating was introduced as a lower class euphemism for prostitution
1900 - Calling was the main word used for this. A young man would talk to her parents if interested. In the context of being in her home, with her parents.
1920's & 1930's - With the invention of the car and the advent of going out to restaurants. People went out with the car and there was a loss of protection from the home.
1960 - Sexual Revolution. The rise of "Free love": sexual orgies, homosexuality, the pill, etc.
1970 - Abortion comes on the scene.
Now - Sex is no longer associated with marriage. Dating is not necessarily going to end in marriage. There is even sex without dating: friends with benefits.
Within 100 years, this is how far we've gone from God's original design.
"Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh." - Genesis 2:24
A man should commit to marriage to one woman, his wife. And then he should leave behind the single life... and become one with his wife. Spiritually. Physically. Emotionally. Now, people want the benefits of marriage without the commitment. The entwining should happen after marriage. The short-term benefits are far outweighed by the long-term pain.
What's the bible's approach?
On one hand, dating is not mentioned in the bible. Dating as we know it only happened in recent history. Biblical concordance has no listing for dating, boyfriends or girlfriends. Historically, families arranged marriages.
But the bible does provide principles...
6 Principles For a Christian Approach to Dating
Christian Dating Has Marriage as the Goal
There is no such thing as dating for fun. Hanging out and getting to know the opposite sex should only happen when they are trying to determine whether they should marry.
Christians Can Only Date Christians
Christians should only date those whom they can marry. Christians are told not to marry non-Christians. Some Christians think that missionary dating is fine. But how does this make sense? How can a missionary, one who's heart is on God's will, date someone who does not want to please God? Putting yourself into that situation is harmful.
Christian Dating Keeps Christ at the Center
We don't begin dating to fill some sort of void. We recognize that Christ is our complete fulfillment. We recognize that all that we have, including dating & marriage, is a blessing from God. We should have thankful hearts for what God has given us through Christ.
Christian Dating Keeps Commitment Ahead of Intimacy
People believe in "test drives" but there's a problem. We are not cars. There should be a commitment before the intimacy. This is not only sexual intimacy, but also emotional intimacy. People who are dating should spend enough time to get to know each other, but there should be enough distance to guard your heart.
Christian Dating Involves Community
There was a time when women would not meet a man alone without the community. We underestimate our sinful hearts. We need accountability from the Christian community. We need to limit the time that we are alone with each other. You invite the counsel of those who are close to you.
Christian Couples Put Each Other Ahead of Themselves
"In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another." - 1 John 4:10-11
How are we to love one another? Like Jesus loved us. We are to put our comfort aside. We are called to put the other's benefit above our own. We are to put the other person first. We should be concerned with the other first. The world makes it a bargaining table. They only care about someone because of what they give. They manipulate each other to get what they want. In Christians, this is how it should look. Men should put her holiness above their hormones. Men should protect their women's purity and holiness. Women should edify and encourage their men. They should know that men's desires are easily inflamed and so dress conservatively.
Here's what the Gospel tells us:
God loves us as we are. But He also won't leave us as we are.
Even when we've failed a lot in our relationships and in dating, God restores and heals us. God empowers us to change and live differently. Our theology can supersede our biology. God gives us grace to live rightly.
Jun 12, 2011
Biblical Manhood and Womanhood: Profile Pics
[1 Peter 3:1-7; Ephesians 5:22-33]
"Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct. Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.
Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered."
"Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband."
{Rev. Dwight Yoo}
This is a set of snapshots. Not a really in-depth analysis of manhood and womanhood. What you will notice is that these qualities can be found in each gender, but it is more important for each gender to have these qualities.
Ladies first. I've read alot of books for women. Here's a few examples, Let Me Be a Woman. Radical Womanhood.
Godly Womanhood
1) An attitude of SURRENDER - By virtue of God's given role of helper, there must be a posture of surrender.
"Unlike Eve, whose response to God was calculating and self-serving, the virgin Mary’s answer holds no hesitation about risks or losses or the interruption of her own plans. It is an utter and unconditional self-giving: “I am the Lord’s servant. . . . May it be to me as you have said” (Luke 1:38). This is what I understand to be the essence of femininity. It means surrender." - Elizabeth Elliot
Surrender is not a passive action. True surrender & submission is active. It is like a Christian's submission to God. It is a desire to know God, to serve Him, and understand Him.
2) FAITH
All Christians have this. But for a woman to submit to men, REQUIRES FAITH. Men of God are far from perfect. "wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won..." Married women are called to submit to their husbands even when their husbands are not Christian. This submission is not from trust in the man, but trust in God. This tempers a wives' submission. To follow a man needs a strong faith and a fearless heart. It is to trust in God even when your husband makes a stupid decision and to disagree in a respectful and gentle way.
3) GENTLENESS
"Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious."
Our culture tells us that women can only find their worth in their physical attractiveness. When women believe this, you'll fall victim to body image issues and standards of beauty. And even if you win a man with just looks, know that it is the only thing that holds him. And we all know that we will age and looks will fade.
I'm not saying to purposely look ugly. Men appreciate beauty. But if your only focus is on physical beauty, you will lose out.
"I love strong women! I think they are magnificent testimonies to Christ. Because if they are complementarian – which I hope they are at our church – then they are combining things the world can’t explain. They are combining a sweet, tender, kind, loving, submissive, feminine beauty with this massive steel in their backs and theology in their brains! I grope for ways to celebrate and articulate such magnificence in women." - John Piper
4) Nurturing
Whether women have children or not, they are called to nurture. It is part of the nature of womanhood. There is an inherent nurturing spirit in women.
Godly Manhood
1) Commitment to Lead
God has called men to headship. They are initiators. They are not supposed to lead in every area of life. But they are supposed to take the main role of keeping the family safe, provided for, and spiritually healthy. Men are to lead the way.
2) Biblically-grounded and Spirit-led
Men are to lead, but not for their own desire. They are to lead under God's authority. There should be biblical and godly conviction about your decisions. You need to know the word of God. Are you biblically informed enough to address things like fertility, homosexuality, where to live, and everyday decisions?
A man who is not biblically informed and spiritual mature, if he is a leader will lead you away from the heart of God. He will lead you where his own heart desires.
3) SACRIFICIAL LOVE
A man is called to servant leadership. He puts his wife and the church above his own desires. He says no to hobbies to do right by his family and the church. This type of heart expresses itself in courtesy. Chivalry comes from a heart of sacrificial love. Men may lay it on thick when they are dating. But when they get married, all this can go out the window. If you want to know whether this sacrificial love is real, look at how he treats others; his friends, people around him, especially his mom.
4) Enduring
A godly man endures and perseveres. He sets his feet in the way and does not stray. In spite of impatience, complaining, and ridicule... He does not give up. A godly man does not quit on his wife, his family, or his church. This is not from pride, but it is from the way Christ lived His life.
"Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct. Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.
Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered."
"Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband."
{Rev. Dwight Yoo}
This is a set of snapshots. Not a really in-depth analysis of manhood and womanhood. What you will notice is that these qualities can be found in each gender, but it is more important for each gender to have these qualities.
Ladies first. I've read alot of books for women. Here's a few examples, Let Me Be a Woman. Radical Womanhood.
Godly Womanhood
1) An attitude of SURRENDER - By virtue of God's given role of helper, there must be a posture of surrender.
"Unlike Eve, whose response to God was calculating and self-serving, the virgin Mary’s answer holds no hesitation about risks or losses or the interruption of her own plans. It is an utter and unconditional self-giving: “I am the Lord’s servant. . . . May it be to me as you have said” (Luke 1:38). This is what I understand to be the essence of femininity. It means surrender." - Elizabeth Elliot
Surrender is not a passive action. True surrender & submission is active. It is like a Christian's submission to God. It is a desire to know God, to serve Him, and understand Him.
2) FAITH
All Christians have this. But for a woman to submit to men, REQUIRES FAITH. Men of God are far from perfect. "wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won..." Married women are called to submit to their husbands even when their husbands are not Christian. This submission is not from trust in the man, but trust in God. This tempers a wives' submission. To follow a man needs a strong faith and a fearless heart. It is to trust in God even when your husband makes a stupid decision and to disagree in a respectful and gentle way.
3) GENTLENESS
"Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious."
Our culture tells us that women can only find their worth in their physical attractiveness. When women believe this, you'll fall victim to body image issues and standards of beauty. And even if you win a man with just looks, know that it is the only thing that holds him. And we all know that we will age and looks will fade.
I'm not saying to purposely look ugly. Men appreciate beauty. But if your only focus is on physical beauty, you will lose out.
"I love strong women! I think they are magnificent testimonies to Christ. Because if they are complementarian – which I hope they are at our church – then they are combining things the world can’t explain. They are combining a sweet, tender, kind, loving, submissive, feminine beauty with this massive steel in their backs and theology in their brains! I grope for ways to celebrate and articulate such magnificence in women." - John Piper
4) Nurturing
Whether women have children or not, they are called to nurture. It is part of the nature of womanhood. There is an inherent nurturing spirit in women.
Godly Manhood
1) Commitment to Lead
God has called men to headship. They are initiators. They are not supposed to lead in every area of life. But they are supposed to take the main role of keeping the family safe, provided for, and spiritually healthy. Men are to lead the way.
2) Biblically-grounded and Spirit-led
Men are to lead, but not for their own desire. They are to lead under God's authority. There should be biblical and godly conviction about your decisions. You need to know the word of God. Are you biblically informed enough to address things like fertility, homosexuality, where to live, and everyday decisions?
A man who is not biblically informed and spiritual mature, if he is a leader will lead you away from the heart of God. He will lead you where his own heart desires.
3) SACRIFICIAL LOVE
A man is called to servant leadership. He puts his wife and the church above his own desires. He says no to hobbies to do right by his family and the church. This type of heart expresses itself in courtesy. Chivalry comes from a heart of sacrificial love. Men may lay it on thick when they are dating. But when they get married, all this can go out the window. If you want to know whether this sacrificial love is real, look at how he treats others; his friends, people around him, especially his mom.
4) Enduring
A godly man endures and perseveres. He sets his feet in the way and does not stray. In spite of impatience, complaining, and ridicule... He does not give up. A godly man does not quit on his wife, his family, or his church. This is not from pride, but it is from the way Christ lived His life.
Jun 5, 2011
Biblical Manhood and Womanhood: Redeeming Our Roles
[Ephesians 5:21-33; 1 Corinthians 11:2-16]
"submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.
Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband."
"Now I commend you because you remember me in everything and maintain the traditions even as I delivered them to you. But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God. Every man who prays or prophesies with his head covered dishonors his head, but every wife who prays or prophesies with her head uncovered dishonors her head, since it is the same as if her head were shaven. For if a wife will not cover her head, then she should cut her hair short. But since it is disgraceful for a wife to cut off her hair or shave her head, let her cover her head. For a man ought not to cover his head, since he is the image and glory of God, but woman is the glory of man. For man was not made from woman, but woman from man. Neither was man created for woman, but woman for man. That is why a wife ought to have a symbol of authority on her head, because of the angels. Nevertheless, in the Lord woman is not independent of man nor man of woman; for as woman was made from man, so man is now born of woman. And all things are from God. Judge for yourselves: is it proper for a wife to pray to God with her head uncovered? Does not nature itself teach you that if a man wears long hair it is a disgrace for him, but if a woman has long hair, it is her glory? For her hair is given to her for a covering. If anyone is inclined to be contentious, we have no such practice, nor do the churches of God."
{Rev. Dwight Yoo}
Does the culture of the world shape your view of relationships or does God shape them?
We live in a time where people want to minimize the difference between men and women. Gender differences don't matter... other than the plumbing. Sexuality is a choice. If we want, we can change genders. This is the voice of our times. We are free to do as we wish.
But we believe that God has made us men and women for a purpose. That there are differences and God designed them. There are those who think they can do as they wish with no repercussions. But that is not how we should do it. We should act with respect to God's design of the sexes. We were designed differently and we have different roles to play.
Some may find this offensive. But God is the designer and the LORD. The word is true. Can we consider God bigoted? Can we consider God flawed in His design?
Thesis
God created man to be the head his own family and God's family, the church.
God created woman to be helper in her own family and God's family, the church.
This is the complementarian view. (The opposing view is the Egalitarian view. The egalitarian view assumes that man and woman used to be equal, but in the Fall, man was given headship. But Paul always refers to Creation--before the Fall!)
Clarifying Statements:
1. This was God's good design from the beginning.
Egalitarians think that male headship is a result of the fall. They think that this is the result of sin. God created Eve as the complement to Adam. Adam was created first and is called to lead and love Eve. Headship is not domination. True headship is a serving mindset. There is also a different failure of headship; the lack of leadership and apathy. It is the total absence of male leadership. This is for you, men of the church. There are women looking for a man to lead. This is your call to step up.
2. Both men and woman are under submission to authority.
Head-covering? Clothing means something. You get a sense of people by the way they dress. Back in those days, when men had long hair, it meant he was a homosexual. For a woman to have no head-covering meant that she was either sexually promiscuous or a lesbian. The woman who wore a head-covering was showing respect for her husband. To have no head-covering was saying that she rejected submission to her husband. This is why Paul called the lack of a headcovering shameful.
But here's the thing. Both men and women are under authority to Christ. Men are given authority and responsibility to lead his wife and household. Men are not supposed to just order around their wives to do whatever. Their authority is delegated from God. Men are to lead them as God would desire... not as they would selfishly desire.
3. Male headship does NOT mean that women are inferior -- they are equal.
Woman was created later. But women are NOT inferior. How is this so, you may ask? We are equal, even though we have different roles. There is a hierarchy, but there is still equality. While the leaders of this church have different roles, we are all equal... whether we are elders or pastors.
4. Male headship does NOT mean that women are not needed -- they are vital.
Adam needed Eve. Eve needed Adam. Eve was Adam's perfect complement. When women are weak, men are strong and where men are weak, women are strong. It is not independence but interdependence. This is how we are designed. The work of the home and the church is a partnership. I've been recently reading a book on the role of women in the church called Feminine Threads. Women's contribution to the ministry is vital.
5. As we each play our part, we display the beauty of Jesus.
Jesus covered us and protected and cherished us. He protected us at his own expense. He's humble and caring and patient. That is the type of leadership men are called to.
Even if others may consider it old-fashioned, it is beautiful to see us playing our parts well.
"submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.
Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband."
"Now I commend you because you remember me in everything and maintain the traditions even as I delivered them to you. But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God. Every man who prays or prophesies with his head covered dishonors his head, but every wife who prays or prophesies with her head uncovered dishonors her head, since it is the same as if her head were shaven. For if a wife will not cover her head, then she should cut her hair short. But since it is disgraceful for a wife to cut off her hair or shave her head, let her cover her head. For a man ought not to cover his head, since he is the image and glory of God, but woman is the glory of man. For man was not made from woman, but woman from man. Neither was man created for woman, but woman for man. That is why a wife ought to have a symbol of authority on her head, because of the angels. Nevertheless, in the Lord woman is not independent of man nor man of woman; for as woman was made from man, so man is now born of woman. And all things are from God. Judge for yourselves: is it proper for a wife to pray to God with her head uncovered? Does not nature itself teach you that if a man wears long hair it is a disgrace for him, but if a woman has long hair, it is her glory? For her hair is given to her for a covering. If anyone is inclined to be contentious, we have no such practice, nor do the churches of God."
{Rev. Dwight Yoo}
Does the culture of the world shape your view of relationships or does God shape them?
We live in a time where people want to minimize the difference between men and women. Gender differences don't matter... other than the plumbing. Sexuality is a choice. If we want, we can change genders. This is the voice of our times. We are free to do as we wish.
But we believe that God has made us men and women for a purpose. That there are differences and God designed them. There are those who think they can do as they wish with no repercussions. But that is not how we should do it. We should act with respect to God's design of the sexes. We were designed differently and we have different roles to play.
Some may find this offensive. But God is the designer and the LORD. The word is true. Can we consider God bigoted? Can we consider God flawed in His design?
Thesis
God created man to be the head his own family and God's family, the church.
God created woman to be helper in her own family and God's family, the church.
This is the complementarian view. (The opposing view is the Egalitarian view. The egalitarian view assumes that man and woman used to be equal, but in the Fall, man was given headship. But Paul always refers to Creation--before the Fall!)
Clarifying Statements:
1. This was God's good design from the beginning.
Egalitarians think that male headship is a result of the fall. They think that this is the result of sin. God created Eve as the complement to Adam. Adam was created first and is called to lead and love Eve. Headship is not domination. True headship is a serving mindset. There is also a different failure of headship; the lack of leadership and apathy. It is the total absence of male leadership. This is for you, men of the church. There are women looking for a man to lead. This is your call to step up.
2. Both men and woman are under submission to authority.
Head-covering? Clothing means something. You get a sense of people by the way they dress. Back in those days, when men had long hair, it meant he was a homosexual. For a woman to have no head-covering meant that she was either sexually promiscuous or a lesbian. The woman who wore a head-covering was showing respect for her husband. To have no head-covering was saying that she rejected submission to her husband. This is why Paul called the lack of a headcovering shameful.
But here's the thing. Both men and women are under authority to Christ. Men are given authority and responsibility to lead his wife and household. Men are not supposed to just order around their wives to do whatever. Their authority is delegated from God. Men are to lead them as God would desire... not as they would selfishly desire.
3. Male headship does NOT mean that women are inferior -- they are equal.
Woman was created later. But women are NOT inferior. How is this so, you may ask? We are equal, even though we have different roles. There is a hierarchy, but there is still equality. While the leaders of this church have different roles, we are all equal... whether we are elders or pastors.
4. Male headship does NOT mean that women are not needed -- they are vital.
Adam needed Eve. Eve needed Adam. Eve was Adam's perfect complement. When women are weak, men are strong and where men are weak, women are strong. It is not independence but interdependence. This is how we are designed. The work of the home and the church is a partnership. I've been recently reading a book on the role of women in the church called Feminine Threads. Women's contribution to the ministry is vital.
5. As we each play our part, we display the beauty of Jesus.
Jesus covered us and protected and cherished us. He protected us at his own expense. He's humble and caring and patient. That is the type of leadership men are called to.
Even if others may consider it old-fashioned, it is beautiful to see us playing our parts well.
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