{Rev. Dwight Yoo}
"Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect." - Romans 12:2
Dating according to how the world does it is not good, it is not healthy. But many Christians do it, it is hard not to. We get this perspective from music, from movies, from all these different forms of media. It starts to become normal for people to have sex while dating. It starts to become normal for people who are dating to move in with each other and test things out. But what is normal for Christians? It is the gospel. We are to look at culture through the lens of the Gospel. The Gospel should be used to critique the culture, not the other way around.
"Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is. " - Ephesians 5:15-17
Critique of the American style of dating
1896 - Dating was introduced as a lower class euphemism for prostitution
1900 - Calling was the main word used for this. A young man would talk to her parents if interested. In the context of being in her home, with her parents.
1920's & 1930's - With the invention of the car and the advent of going out to restaurants. People went out with the car and there was a loss of protection from the home.
1960 - Sexual Revolution. The rise of "Free love": sexual orgies, homosexuality, the pill, etc.
1970 - Abortion comes on the scene.
Now - Sex is no longer associated with marriage. Dating is not necessarily going to end in marriage. There is even sex without dating: friends with benefits.
Within 100 years, this is how far we've gone from God's original design.
"Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh." - Genesis 2:24
A man should commit to marriage to one woman, his wife. And then he should leave behind the single life... and become one with his wife. Spiritually. Physically. Emotionally. Now, people want the benefits of marriage without the commitment. The entwining should happen after marriage. The short-term benefits are far outweighed by the long-term pain.
What's the bible's approach?
On one hand, dating is not mentioned in the bible. Dating as we know it only happened in recent history. Biblical concordance has no listing for dating, boyfriends or girlfriends. Historically, families arranged marriages.
But the bible does provide principles...
6 Principles For a Christian Approach to Dating
Christian Dating Has Marriage as the Goal
There is no such thing as dating for fun. Hanging out and getting to know the opposite sex should only happen when they are trying to determine whether they should marry.
Christians Can Only Date Christians
Christians should only date those whom they can marry. Christians are told not to marry non-Christians. Some Christians think that missionary dating is fine. But how does this make sense? How can a missionary, one who's heart is on God's will, date someone who does not want to please God? Putting yourself into that situation is harmful.
Christian Dating Keeps Christ at the Center
We don't begin dating to fill some sort of void. We recognize that Christ is our complete fulfillment. We recognize that all that we have, including dating & marriage, is a blessing from God. We should have thankful hearts for what God has given us through Christ.
Christian Dating Keeps Commitment Ahead of Intimacy
People believe in "test drives" but there's a problem. We are not cars. There should be a commitment before the intimacy. This is not only sexual intimacy, but also emotional intimacy. People who are dating should spend enough time to get to know each other, but there should be enough distance to guard your heart.
Christian Dating Involves Community
There was a time when women would not meet a man alone without the community. We underestimate our sinful hearts. We need accountability from the Christian community. We need to limit the time that we are alone with each other. You invite the counsel of those who are close to you.
Christian Couples Put Each Other Ahead of Themselves
"In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another." - 1 John 4:10-11
How are we to love one another? Like Jesus loved us. We are to put our comfort aside. We are called to put the other's benefit above our own. We are to put the other person first. We should be concerned with the other first. The world makes it a bargaining table. They only care about someone because of what they give. They manipulate each other to get what they want. In Christians, this is how it should look. Men should put her holiness above their hormones. Men should protect their women's purity and holiness. Women should edify and encourage their men. They should know that men's desires are easily inflamed and so dress conservatively.
Here's what the Gospel tells us:
God loves us as we are. But He also won't leave us as we are.
Even when we've failed a lot in our relationships and in dating, God restores and heals us. God empowers us to change and live differently. Our theology can supersede our biology. God gives us grace to live rightly.
Jun 26, 2011
Jun 12, 2011
Biblical Manhood and Womanhood: Profile Pics
[1 Peter 3:1-7; Ephesians 5:22-33]
"Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct. Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.
Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered."
"Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband."
{Rev. Dwight Yoo}
This is a set of snapshots. Not a really in-depth analysis of manhood and womanhood. What you will notice is that these qualities can be found in each gender, but it is more important for each gender to have these qualities.
Ladies first. I've read alot of books for women. Here's a few examples, Let Me Be a Woman. Radical Womanhood.
Godly Womanhood
1) An attitude of SURRENDER - By virtue of God's given role of helper, there must be a posture of surrender.
"Unlike Eve, whose response to God was calculating and self-serving, the virgin Mary’s answer holds no hesitation about risks or losses or the interruption of her own plans. It is an utter and unconditional self-giving: “I am the Lord’s servant. . . . May it be to me as you have said” (Luke 1:38). This is what I understand to be the essence of femininity. It means surrender." - Elizabeth Elliot
Surrender is not a passive action. True surrender & submission is active. It is like a Christian's submission to God. It is a desire to know God, to serve Him, and understand Him.
2) FAITH
All Christians have this. But for a woman to submit to men, REQUIRES FAITH. Men of God are far from perfect. "wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won..." Married women are called to submit to their husbands even when their husbands are not Christian. This submission is not from trust in the man, but trust in God. This tempers a wives' submission. To follow a man needs a strong faith and a fearless heart. It is to trust in God even when your husband makes a stupid decision and to disagree in a respectful and gentle way.
3) GENTLENESS
"Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious."
Our culture tells us that women can only find their worth in their physical attractiveness. When women believe this, you'll fall victim to body image issues and standards of beauty. And even if you win a man with just looks, know that it is the only thing that holds him. And we all know that we will age and looks will fade.
I'm not saying to purposely look ugly. Men appreciate beauty. But if your only focus is on physical beauty, you will lose out.
"I love strong women! I think they are magnificent testimonies to Christ. Because if they are complementarian – which I hope they are at our church – then they are combining things the world can’t explain. They are combining a sweet, tender, kind, loving, submissive, feminine beauty with this massive steel in their backs and theology in their brains! I grope for ways to celebrate and articulate such magnificence in women." - John Piper
4) Nurturing
Whether women have children or not, they are called to nurture. It is part of the nature of womanhood. There is an inherent nurturing spirit in women.
Godly Manhood
1) Commitment to Lead
God has called men to headship. They are initiators. They are not supposed to lead in every area of life. But they are supposed to take the main role of keeping the family safe, provided for, and spiritually healthy. Men are to lead the way.
2) Biblically-grounded and Spirit-led
Men are to lead, but not for their own desire. They are to lead under God's authority. There should be biblical and godly conviction about your decisions. You need to know the word of God. Are you biblically informed enough to address things like fertility, homosexuality, where to live, and everyday decisions?
A man who is not biblically informed and spiritual mature, if he is a leader will lead you away from the heart of God. He will lead you where his own heart desires.
3) SACRIFICIAL LOVE
A man is called to servant leadership. He puts his wife and the church above his own desires. He says no to hobbies to do right by his family and the church. This type of heart expresses itself in courtesy. Chivalry comes from a heart of sacrificial love. Men may lay it on thick when they are dating. But when they get married, all this can go out the window. If you want to know whether this sacrificial love is real, look at how he treats others; his friends, people around him, especially his mom.
4) Enduring
A godly man endures and perseveres. He sets his feet in the way and does not stray. In spite of impatience, complaining, and ridicule... He does not give up. A godly man does not quit on his wife, his family, or his church. This is not from pride, but it is from the way Christ lived His life.
"Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct. Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.
Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered."
"Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband."
{Rev. Dwight Yoo}
This is a set of snapshots. Not a really in-depth analysis of manhood and womanhood. What you will notice is that these qualities can be found in each gender, but it is more important for each gender to have these qualities.
Ladies first. I've read alot of books for women. Here's a few examples, Let Me Be a Woman. Radical Womanhood.
Godly Womanhood
1) An attitude of SURRENDER - By virtue of God's given role of helper, there must be a posture of surrender.
"Unlike Eve, whose response to God was calculating and self-serving, the virgin Mary’s answer holds no hesitation about risks or losses or the interruption of her own plans. It is an utter and unconditional self-giving: “I am the Lord’s servant. . . . May it be to me as you have said” (Luke 1:38). This is what I understand to be the essence of femininity. It means surrender." - Elizabeth Elliot
Surrender is not a passive action. True surrender & submission is active. It is like a Christian's submission to God. It is a desire to know God, to serve Him, and understand Him.
2) FAITH
All Christians have this. But for a woman to submit to men, REQUIRES FAITH. Men of God are far from perfect. "wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won..." Married women are called to submit to their husbands even when their husbands are not Christian. This submission is not from trust in the man, but trust in God. This tempers a wives' submission. To follow a man needs a strong faith and a fearless heart. It is to trust in God even when your husband makes a stupid decision and to disagree in a respectful and gentle way.
3) GENTLENESS
"Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious."
Our culture tells us that women can only find their worth in their physical attractiveness. When women believe this, you'll fall victim to body image issues and standards of beauty. And even if you win a man with just looks, know that it is the only thing that holds him. And we all know that we will age and looks will fade.
I'm not saying to purposely look ugly. Men appreciate beauty. But if your only focus is on physical beauty, you will lose out.
"I love strong women! I think they are magnificent testimonies to Christ. Because if they are complementarian – which I hope they are at our church – then they are combining things the world can’t explain. They are combining a sweet, tender, kind, loving, submissive, feminine beauty with this massive steel in their backs and theology in their brains! I grope for ways to celebrate and articulate such magnificence in women." - John Piper
4) Nurturing
Whether women have children or not, they are called to nurture. It is part of the nature of womanhood. There is an inherent nurturing spirit in women.
Godly Manhood
1) Commitment to Lead
God has called men to headship. They are initiators. They are not supposed to lead in every area of life. But they are supposed to take the main role of keeping the family safe, provided for, and spiritually healthy. Men are to lead the way.
2) Biblically-grounded and Spirit-led
Men are to lead, but not for their own desire. They are to lead under God's authority. There should be biblical and godly conviction about your decisions. You need to know the word of God. Are you biblically informed enough to address things like fertility, homosexuality, where to live, and everyday decisions?
A man who is not biblically informed and spiritual mature, if he is a leader will lead you away from the heart of God. He will lead you where his own heart desires.
3) SACRIFICIAL LOVE
A man is called to servant leadership. He puts his wife and the church above his own desires. He says no to hobbies to do right by his family and the church. This type of heart expresses itself in courtesy. Chivalry comes from a heart of sacrificial love. Men may lay it on thick when they are dating. But when they get married, all this can go out the window. If you want to know whether this sacrificial love is real, look at how he treats others; his friends, people around him, especially his mom.
4) Enduring
A godly man endures and perseveres. He sets his feet in the way and does not stray. In spite of impatience, complaining, and ridicule... He does not give up. A godly man does not quit on his wife, his family, or his church. This is not from pride, but it is from the way Christ lived His life.
Jun 5, 2011
Biblical Manhood and Womanhood: Redeeming Our Roles
[Ephesians 5:21-33; 1 Corinthians 11:2-16]
"submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.
Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband."
"Now I commend you because you remember me in everything and maintain the traditions even as I delivered them to you. But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God. Every man who prays or prophesies with his head covered dishonors his head, but every wife who prays or prophesies with her head uncovered dishonors her head, since it is the same as if her head were shaven. For if a wife will not cover her head, then she should cut her hair short. But since it is disgraceful for a wife to cut off her hair or shave her head, let her cover her head. For a man ought not to cover his head, since he is the image and glory of God, but woman is the glory of man. For man was not made from woman, but woman from man. Neither was man created for woman, but woman for man. That is why a wife ought to have a symbol of authority on her head, because of the angels. Nevertheless, in the Lord woman is not independent of man nor man of woman; for as woman was made from man, so man is now born of woman. And all things are from God. Judge for yourselves: is it proper for a wife to pray to God with her head uncovered? Does not nature itself teach you that if a man wears long hair it is a disgrace for him, but if a woman has long hair, it is her glory? For her hair is given to her for a covering. If anyone is inclined to be contentious, we have no such practice, nor do the churches of God."
{Rev. Dwight Yoo}
Does the culture of the world shape your view of relationships or does God shape them?
We live in a time where people want to minimize the difference between men and women. Gender differences don't matter... other than the plumbing. Sexuality is a choice. If we want, we can change genders. This is the voice of our times. We are free to do as we wish.
But we believe that God has made us men and women for a purpose. That there are differences and God designed them. There are those who think they can do as they wish with no repercussions. But that is not how we should do it. We should act with respect to God's design of the sexes. We were designed differently and we have different roles to play.
Some may find this offensive. But God is the designer and the LORD. The word is true. Can we consider God bigoted? Can we consider God flawed in His design?
Thesis
God created man to be the head his own family and God's family, the church.
God created woman to be helper in her own family and God's family, the church.
This is the complementarian view. (The opposing view is the Egalitarian view. The egalitarian view assumes that man and woman used to be equal, but in the Fall, man was given headship. But Paul always refers to Creation--before the Fall!)
Clarifying Statements:
1. This was God's good design from the beginning.
Egalitarians think that male headship is a result of the fall. They think that this is the result of sin. God created Eve as the complement to Adam. Adam was created first and is called to lead and love Eve. Headship is not domination. True headship is a serving mindset. There is also a different failure of headship; the lack of leadership and apathy. It is the total absence of male leadership. This is for you, men of the church. There are women looking for a man to lead. This is your call to step up.
2. Both men and woman are under submission to authority.
Head-covering? Clothing means something. You get a sense of people by the way they dress. Back in those days, when men had long hair, it meant he was a homosexual. For a woman to have no head-covering meant that she was either sexually promiscuous or a lesbian. The woman who wore a head-covering was showing respect for her husband. To have no head-covering was saying that she rejected submission to her husband. This is why Paul called the lack of a headcovering shameful.
But here's the thing. Both men and women are under authority to Christ. Men are given authority and responsibility to lead his wife and household. Men are not supposed to just order around their wives to do whatever. Their authority is delegated from God. Men are to lead them as God would desire... not as they would selfishly desire.
3. Male headship does NOT mean that women are inferior -- they are equal.
Woman was created later. But women are NOT inferior. How is this so, you may ask? We are equal, even though we have different roles. There is a hierarchy, but there is still equality. While the leaders of this church have different roles, we are all equal... whether we are elders or pastors.
4. Male headship does NOT mean that women are not needed -- they are vital.
Adam needed Eve. Eve needed Adam. Eve was Adam's perfect complement. When women are weak, men are strong and where men are weak, women are strong. It is not independence but interdependence. This is how we are designed. The work of the home and the church is a partnership. I've been recently reading a book on the role of women in the church called Feminine Threads. Women's contribution to the ministry is vital.
5. As we each play our part, we display the beauty of Jesus.
Jesus covered us and protected and cherished us. He protected us at his own expense. He's humble and caring and patient. That is the type of leadership men are called to.
Even if others may consider it old-fashioned, it is beautiful to see us playing our parts well.
"submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.
Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband."
"Now I commend you because you remember me in everything and maintain the traditions even as I delivered them to you. But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God. Every man who prays or prophesies with his head covered dishonors his head, but every wife who prays or prophesies with her head uncovered dishonors her head, since it is the same as if her head were shaven. For if a wife will not cover her head, then she should cut her hair short. But since it is disgraceful for a wife to cut off her hair or shave her head, let her cover her head. For a man ought not to cover his head, since he is the image and glory of God, but woman is the glory of man. For man was not made from woman, but woman from man. Neither was man created for woman, but woman for man. That is why a wife ought to have a symbol of authority on her head, because of the angels. Nevertheless, in the Lord woman is not independent of man nor man of woman; for as woman was made from man, so man is now born of woman. And all things are from God. Judge for yourselves: is it proper for a wife to pray to God with her head uncovered? Does not nature itself teach you that if a man wears long hair it is a disgrace for him, but if a woman has long hair, it is her glory? For her hair is given to her for a covering. If anyone is inclined to be contentious, we have no such practice, nor do the churches of God."
{Rev. Dwight Yoo}
Does the culture of the world shape your view of relationships or does God shape them?
We live in a time where people want to minimize the difference between men and women. Gender differences don't matter... other than the plumbing. Sexuality is a choice. If we want, we can change genders. This is the voice of our times. We are free to do as we wish.
But we believe that God has made us men and women for a purpose. That there are differences and God designed them. There are those who think they can do as they wish with no repercussions. But that is not how we should do it. We should act with respect to God's design of the sexes. We were designed differently and we have different roles to play.
Some may find this offensive. But God is the designer and the LORD. The word is true. Can we consider God bigoted? Can we consider God flawed in His design?
Thesis
God created man to be the head his own family and God's family, the church.
God created woman to be helper in her own family and God's family, the church.
This is the complementarian view. (The opposing view is the Egalitarian view. The egalitarian view assumes that man and woman used to be equal, but in the Fall, man was given headship. But Paul always refers to Creation--before the Fall!)
Clarifying Statements:
1. This was God's good design from the beginning.
Egalitarians think that male headship is a result of the fall. They think that this is the result of sin. God created Eve as the complement to Adam. Adam was created first and is called to lead and love Eve. Headship is not domination. True headship is a serving mindset. There is also a different failure of headship; the lack of leadership and apathy. It is the total absence of male leadership. This is for you, men of the church. There are women looking for a man to lead. This is your call to step up.
2. Both men and woman are under submission to authority.
Head-covering? Clothing means something. You get a sense of people by the way they dress. Back in those days, when men had long hair, it meant he was a homosexual. For a woman to have no head-covering meant that she was either sexually promiscuous or a lesbian. The woman who wore a head-covering was showing respect for her husband. To have no head-covering was saying that she rejected submission to her husband. This is why Paul called the lack of a headcovering shameful.
But here's the thing. Both men and women are under authority to Christ. Men are given authority and responsibility to lead his wife and household. Men are not supposed to just order around their wives to do whatever. Their authority is delegated from God. Men are to lead them as God would desire... not as they would selfishly desire.
3. Male headship does NOT mean that women are inferior -- they are equal.
Woman was created later. But women are NOT inferior. How is this so, you may ask? We are equal, even though we have different roles. There is a hierarchy, but there is still equality. While the leaders of this church have different roles, we are all equal... whether we are elders or pastors.
4. Male headship does NOT mean that women are not needed -- they are vital.
Adam needed Eve. Eve needed Adam. Eve was Adam's perfect complement. When women are weak, men are strong and where men are weak, women are strong. It is not independence but interdependence. This is how we are designed. The work of the home and the church is a partnership. I've been recently reading a book on the role of women in the church called Feminine Threads. Women's contribution to the ministry is vital.
5. As we each play our part, we display the beauty of Jesus.
Jesus covered us and protected and cherished us. He protected us at his own expense. He's humble and caring and patient. That is the type of leadership men are called to.
Even if others may consider it old-fashioned, it is beautiful to see us playing our parts well.
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