{Rev. Dwight Yoo}
"Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect." - Romans 12:2
Dating according to how the world does it is not good, it is not healthy. But many Christians do it, it is hard not to. We get this perspective from music, from movies, from all these different forms of media. It starts to become normal for people to have sex while dating. It starts to become normal for people who are dating to move in with each other and test things out. But what is normal for Christians? It is the gospel. We are to look at culture through the lens of the Gospel. The Gospel should be used to critique the culture, not the other way around.
"Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is. " - Ephesians 5:15-17
Critique of the American style of dating
1896 - Dating was introduced as a lower class euphemism for prostitution
1900 - Calling was the main word used for this. A young man would talk to her parents if interested. In the context of being in her home, with her parents.
1920's & 1930's - With the invention of the car and the advent of going out to restaurants. People went out with the car and there was a loss of protection from the home.
1960 - Sexual Revolution. The rise of "Free love": sexual orgies, homosexuality, the pill, etc.
1970 - Abortion comes on the scene.
Now - Sex is no longer associated with marriage. Dating is not necessarily going to end in marriage. There is even sex without dating: friends with benefits.
Within 100 years, this is how far we've gone from God's original design.
"Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh." - Genesis 2:24
A man should commit to marriage to one woman, his wife. And then he should leave behind the single life... and become one with his wife. Spiritually. Physically. Emotionally. Now, people want the benefits of marriage without the commitment. The entwining should happen after marriage. The short-term benefits are far outweighed by the long-term pain.
What's the bible's approach?
On one hand, dating is not mentioned in the bible. Dating as we know it only happened in recent history. Biblical concordance has no listing for dating, boyfriends or girlfriends. Historically, families arranged marriages.
But the bible does provide principles...
6 Principles For a Christian Approach to Dating
Christian Dating Has Marriage as the Goal
There is no such thing as dating for fun. Hanging out and getting to know the opposite sex should only happen when they are trying to determine whether they should marry.
Christians Can Only Date Christians
Christians should only date those whom they can marry. Christians are told not to marry non-Christians. Some Christians think that missionary dating is fine. But how does this make sense? How can a missionary, one who's heart is on God's will, date someone who does not want to please God? Putting yourself into that situation is harmful.
Christian Dating Keeps Christ at the Center
We don't begin dating to fill some sort of void. We recognize that Christ is our complete fulfillment. We recognize that all that we have, including dating & marriage, is a blessing from God. We should have thankful hearts for what God has given us through Christ.
Christian Dating Keeps Commitment Ahead of Intimacy
People believe in "test drives" but there's a problem. We are not cars. There should be a commitment before the intimacy. This is not only sexual intimacy, but also emotional intimacy. People who are dating should spend enough time to get to know each other, but there should be enough distance to guard your heart.
Christian Dating Involves Community
There was a time when women would not meet a man alone without the community. We underestimate our sinful hearts. We need accountability from the Christian community. We need to limit the time that we are alone with each other. You invite the counsel of those who are close to you.
Christian Couples Put Each Other Ahead of Themselves
"In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another." - 1 John 4:10-11
How are we to love one another? Like Jesus loved us. We are to put our comfort aside. We are called to put the other's benefit above our own. We are to put the other person first. We should be concerned with the other first. The world makes it a bargaining table. They only care about someone because of what they give. They manipulate each other to get what they want. In Christians, this is how it should look. Men should put her holiness above their hormones. Men should protect their women's purity and holiness. Women should edify and encourage their men. They should know that men's desires are easily inflamed and so dress conservatively.
Here's what the Gospel tells us:
God loves us as we are. But He also won't leave us as we are.
Even when we've failed a lot in our relationships and in dating, God restores and heals us. God empowers us to change and live differently. Our theology can supersede our biology. God gives us grace to live rightly.
No comments:
Post a Comment