Church matters: sexuality

1 Corinthians 6:9-20 ESV

Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God. "All things are lawful for me," but not all things are helpful. "All things are lawful for me," but I will not be enslaved by anything. "Food is meant for the stomach and the stomach for food"—and God will destroy both one and the other. The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body. And God raised the Lord and will also raise us up by his power. Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take the members of Christ and make them members of a prostitute? Never! Or do you not know that he who is joined to a prostitute becomes one body with her? For, as it is written, "The two will become one flesh." But he who is joined to the Lord becomes one spirit with him. Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.

Rev. Dwight Yoo

The world's view on sex has caused much damage, pain, and suffering. The church can some much light and restoration here.

God's design for sex

Paul was fighting this idea called dualism.  It saw the body and spirit as separate. This thinking meant that the body was seen as unimportant. Sex was just like eating; an appetite to be sated. Others saw sex as dirty and marriage something to be avoided.

Paul advocates neither of these. He told Christians that their body matters. It was not to be denigrated. It was the temple. In addition, we get a resurrection body.  Jesus was resurrected  with a body, with scars. He even ate fish. This implies the body is  neither bad or unspiritual. It is to be used for God.

By God's design, the only proper context  for sex, and any form of sexual contact is in marriage, between a man and a woman. Both sex and marriage serve as an illustration of the Gospel.

Sex illustrates the Gospel these ways:
For procreation (bearing fruit)
To communicate exclusive love (to give everything to another, no other)
For bonding (intimacy and union)

Distortion of sex

The culture tells us to just go with what feels right. To be true to ourselves. Waiting for sex sounds old-fashioned. Marriage, so outdated.

Our desires can be twisted. Pedophiles illustrate this.  Wanting sex with young children is wrong regardless of what we desire.

In addition,  we are free in Christ. We need not worry about dietary restrictions. But we cannot do what we wish without consequences. We find ourselves enslaved by our twisted desires. This is idolatry. We have placed our twisted sexual desires above God. Idols promise but cannot deliver. So the desires increase, but the fulfillment is not to be found.

Dealing with sex as a church

Sex and any sexual contact is reserved for marriage.

We are to treat those we date as a brother and sister in Christ.

When we dress consider how we might be stumbling others.

Be open about our sexual struggle; don't stigmatize those who have persistent sexual struggles.

Homosexuality is not something exclusive. It is listed along with adultery, thievery, greed, and idolatry. These lifestyles can disqualify you from the kingdom. Not the desire, but the consistent lifestyle of living this way. Fighting  these desires is hard and sometimes lifelong. But we win in Christ, for we have been sanctified, justified and raised in Him.

Redeeming Sex: Let's Get Practical

[Various Passages]

{Rev. Dwight Yoo}

Today, we will get practical. Maybe a little too practical... some of us might get uncomfortable.

For married couples

Sex is about servanthood

"Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: "It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman." But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control." - 1 Corinthians 7:1-5

Don't deprive the other of sex except by agreement. We are not our own... rather they are one flesh and belong to one another. To withhold sex from one another without mutual agreement is defrauding each other. The heart of marriage is not to demand things from the other. It is to love and serve the other. The attitude behind this is not of demanding conjugal rights... but rather one of serving. This is also one of the main reasons that masturbation is wrong. Masturbation is self-seeking pleasure, it is not serving the other. Sex is not about fulfilling our desires and urges. It is not about satisfying our demands/desires. When sex is selfish, it becomes an act of mutual masturbation instead of an act of love. That kind of sex is destructive. Even when the couple is married. Selfish sex is destructive.

Good Sex Starts Outside the Bedroom

One of the concepts we discussed is that sex is a representation of the oneness that a couple has achieved. When a couple feels close spiritually, emotionally, and mentally, they will have a good sex life. The way to fix a bad sex life is not in the bedroom. They need to stay close and not feel withdrawn or distant. They need to reconnect as friends, on dates, and doing the things they did when they were courting. Speaking words of love and appreciation. That is the way to a good sex life.

Sex should make us appreciate Jesus more

"The LORD your God is in your midst,
a mighty one who will save;
he will rejoice over you with gladness;
he will quiet you by his love;
he will exult over you with loud singing." - Zephaniah 3:17

When we experience the joy of sex, it is a signpost to the one who's love is incomprehensible. Every great love song could apply to God's love for us.

For Singles


Honor the boundaries God has established reserving sex and all forms of physical intimacy for marriage.

Consider the fact that rivers runs fastest and is most powerful when it is constrained. The design of sex to be reserved for marriage is for a reason. The sharper boundaries empower sex to be better. Not only sex, but foreplay is also reserved for marriage. Foreplay is like an on-ramp... it gets us up to speed to have sex. If you are not planning on having sex, you should not be having foreplay. If you are not planning on going on a highway, you have no business being on an on-ramp.

"But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints." - Ephesians 5:3

Guard against entertaining lustful thoughts and actions that follow

The average age of marriage has increased. The challenge for Christians is greater than ever. But the standard is clear.

"You have heard that it was said, 'You shall not commit adultery.' But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart." - Matthew 5:27-28

It is ok to notice someone is attractive. That is normal. But when we dwell on them, that is a sin. There is a difference between temptation and sin. The standard is not only physical, but it also applies mentally. We are constantly tempted by the sexually charged culture we live in. Don't entertain lustful thoughts... it is easy to say. But this is a serious struggle. It feels nearly impossible. Boundaries alone are insufficient.

The battle begins in the heart.

"For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false witness, slander." - Matthew 15:19

We cannot fight sin by changing the behavior. There is a sin behind the sin. For those who look at internet porn and masturbate, there is the sin of sexual immorality. But behind that is something else, perhaps there is someone who's life seems out of control and nothing is going right... the act of porn becomes a measure of peace and pleasure. The battle is in your heart.

The war is already won.

Be reminded, that war is already won. Sexual sin brings with it an enormous amount of guilt. This guilt can really cripple us. But the gospel shines in this.

"There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." - Romans 8:1

There is a little legalism in all of us. We think we have to earn it back. When we've fallen, there is no condemnation. God is not angry and scowling. God sees us through Jesus. Sin makes us want to cover up in shame. But the blood of Christ covers all of our sin... God still loves us perfectly.

"So you also must consider yourselves dead to sin and alive to God in Christ Jesus." - Romans 6:11

Keeping in mind the grace we have in Christ, we consider ourselves dead to sin. We should get back up and fight again. Sin is like a chicken with its head cut off. It is still running around, but it is dead. When Christ died, He conquered sin and death. We keep failing and falling into sin, but it is the flails of a dying foe. Christ has already struck the deathblow. We get up and fight sin because we know it is already dead. It is just a matter of time.

Recognize that fasting from sex makes you appreciate Christ more

Consider the fact that Paul says that fasting from sex to devote time to prayer is permissible. It is saying that focusing on Jesus is recognizing He is the bread of life. When we abstain from sex, it is to focus on the true bread... the true life-giver. It is to look at that which sex points to... the one who satisfies and gives us ultimate joy. Consider the reason why we fast during Lent. There is a bad way to fast and there is a good way to fast. As we fast from sex, may we draw closer to Christ.

God's Design for Sex

[1 Corinthians 6:12-7:2]

"All things are lawful for me," but not all things are helpful. "All things are lawful for me," but I will not be enslaved by anything. "Food is meant for the stomach and the stomach for food"—and God will destroy both one and the other. The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body. And God raised the Lord and will also raise us up by his power. Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take the members of Christ and make them members of a prostitute? Never! Or do you not know that he who is joined to a prostitute becomes one body with her? For, as it is written, "The two will become one flesh." But he who is joined to the Lord becomes one spirit with him. Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.

Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: "It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman." But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband.

[Rev. Dwight Yoo]

Sex is found in our top 10 music. our movies. advertisements. Our culture is overboard in their practices in regards to sex. Friends with benefits. This is clearly not God's design & intention for sex. We need to be the light in our culture. We need to deal with sex with graciousness, seriousness, and love.

Biblical Principles on Sex

1) Sex should be celebrated as good, but not worshiped as god.

In Corinth, there were christians who were trying to justify sleeping with prostitutes. This sounds ridiculous, but there's a reasoning behind this. Greek thinking believed in dualism. There is a spirit and a body. There is low value in regards to the material and the body. The things of the body doesn't matter. Sexual urges were like an itch. If it itches, scratch it. But Paul rejects this thinking. He says the body belongs to God. Then he goes on to talk about Jesus' resurrection. Why? Because in the resurrection, Jesus was PHYSICALLY resurrected. With scars and everything. The resurrection was not only spiritual which flies contrary to this Greek view of dualism. So both spirit and body are sacred. Flesh is not just some sort of shell for the spirit, but rather tied to the spirit. So sex is a sacred and good creation of God. There is beauty and joy in sex. It is not a dirty thing. It is not a vulgar and base thing. "Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight..." - Proverbs 5:19 It speaks of a husbands delight in his wife.

But there are those who look too highly upon sex. God should reign supreme over sex. We should find our greatest satisfaction in God, not sex. The Screwtape letters speaks of what happens when we turn from God to sex as ultimate: "An ever increasing craving for an ever diminishing pleasure..." We try all these new things to make it more pleasurable. We try different things... maybe even invite other people into our sex life. And there is ever less returns for all that work. Sexual urges become our master and we become slaves. Just like any other addiction.

Sex is only to be enjoyed in marriage between a man and a woman. That is how God designed it to be. We should submit to Him in sexual matters. This is a hard sell in our day and age. To tell people that God wishes to limit their freedom. They want to do anything they wish.

"The pleasures and goodness of sex are heightened, not lessened by proper restraint, in the same way the Colorado River is made more powerful by the walls of the Grand Canyon. The very narrowness of the river's channel there makes for a greater river. Farther south, as the river flows through the deserts of California and Arizona, it is shallow, wide, and muddy, even stinky in spots. Wider boundaries diminish the river; sharper, stronger, and narrower boundaries strengthen it. Less is more." - Sex and the Supremacy of Christ

2) Sex is for Procreation, Pleasure and Bonding

Some religions say that sex is solely for procreation. How do we know? The book of Song of Solomon. There is no reference to childbearing and procreation. It is about sexual pleasure between a husband and wife. It is also about bonding between the couple. It is the physical expression of the oneness of a couple spiritually and in thinking. It is a covenant renewal. A renewing of the promise of marriage between husband and wife.

Sex outside of God's boundaries is cheapened, demeaning and hurtful...

As the body of Christ, we bring Jesus into any distorted sexual act we do. It is like we are taking Christ's hands and doing sinful vulgar things. This should not be.

It also cheapens the other party. C.S. Lewis puts it this way: "when we say of a lustful man prowling the streets that he wants a woman. Strictly speaking, a woman is just what he does not want. He wants a pleasure for which a woman happens to be the necessary piece of apparatus. How much he cares about the woman as such may be gauged by his attitude to her five minutes after fruition, One does not keep the carton after one had smoked the cigarettes." Sex without strings demeans the other person. They are simply a vehicle for your lust.

When sex is done wherever and with whomever, it loses it's bonding power. The act is no longer one of love, but rather just a simple act.

Christians at Corinth were arguing that food and sex were the same thing. But Paul says that we sin against our own body when we commit sexual immorality. What does this mean? Consider this. When we eat something, lets say we overeat... we overeat so badly that we puke our guts out. No one mentions it 4 years later. No one questions whether we are forgiven over that. But sexual immorality is quite different... it has a greater cost to those who commit it.

3) Sex is a Sign-Post

Sex teaches us something about God. "Sexuality is designed by God as a way to know God in Christ more fully." Sex is known as "knowing someone" The literal translation of the interaction between Adam and Eve was this: Adam KNEW Eve. And she conceived. God wants to know us. Not as friends. Not as acquaintances. But as a husband knows his wife. He wants to know us fully naked before one another. When heaven comes and we are standing before God, we will realize that which sex has been pointing us to all along. We will no longer need sex nor will we need it. The passion, the fulfillment, the joy, and the consumation... That is a small picture of what happens we were finally arrive Home.