[Various Passages]
{Rev. Dwight Yoo}
Today, we will get practical. Maybe a little too practical... some of us might get uncomfortable.
For married couples
Sex is about servanthood
"Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: "It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman." But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control." - 1 Corinthians 7:1-5
Don't deprive the other of sex except by agreement. We are not our own... rather they are one flesh and belong to one another. To withhold sex from one another without mutual agreement is defrauding each other. The heart of marriage is not to demand things from the other. It is to love and serve the other. The attitude behind this is not of demanding conjugal rights... but rather one of serving. This is also one of the main reasons that masturbation is wrong. Masturbation is self-seeking pleasure, it is not serving the other. Sex is not about fulfilling our desires and urges. It is not about satisfying our demands/desires. When sex is selfish, it becomes an act of mutual masturbation instead of an act of love. That kind of sex is destructive. Even when the couple is married. Selfish sex is destructive.
Good Sex Starts Outside the Bedroom
One of the concepts we discussed is that sex is a representation of the oneness that a couple has achieved. When a couple feels close spiritually, emotionally, and mentally, they will have a good sex life. The way to fix a bad sex life is not in the bedroom. They need to stay close and not feel withdrawn or distant. They need to reconnect as friends, on dates, and doing the things they did when they were courting. Speaking words of love and appreciation. That is the way to a good sex life.
Sex should make us appreciate Jesus more
"The LORD your God is in your midst,
a mighty one who will save;
he will rejoice over you with gladness;
he will quiet you by his love;
he will exult over you with loud singing." - Zephaniah 3:17
When we experience the joy of sex, it is a signpost to the one who's love is incomprehensible. Every great love song could apply to God's love for us.
For Singles
Honor the boundaries God has established reserving sex and all forms of physical intimacy for marriage.
Consider the fact that rivers runs fastest and is most powerful when it is constrained. The design of sex to be reserved for marriage is for a reason. The sharper boundaries empower sex to be better. Not only sex, but foreplay is also reserved for marriage. Foreplay is like an on-ramp... it gets us up to speed to have sex. If you are not planning on having sex, you should not be having foreplay. If you are not planning on going on a highway, you have no business being on an on-ramp.
"But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints." - Ephesians 5:3
Guard against entertaining lustful thoughts and actions that follow
The average age of marriage has increased. The challenge for Christians is greater than ever. But the standard is clear.
"You have heard that it was said, 'You shall not commit adultery.' But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart." - Matthew 5:27-28
It is ok to notice someone is attractive. That is normal. But when we dwell on them, that is a sin. There is a difference between temptation and sin. The standard is not only physical, but it also applies mentally. We are constantly tempted by the sexually charged culture we live in. Don't entertain lustful thoughts... it is easy to say. But this is a serious struggle. It feels nearly impossible. Boundaries alone are insufficient.
The battle begins in the heart.
"For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false witness, slander." - Matthew 15:19
We cannot fight sin by changing the behavior. There is a sin behind the sin. For those who look at internet porn and masturbate, there is the sin of sexual immorality. But behind that is something else, perhaps there is someone who's life seems out of control and nothing is going right... the act of porn becomes a measure of peace and pleasure. The battle is in your heart.
The war is already won.
Be reminded, that war is already won. Sexual sin brings with it an enormous amount of guilt. This guilt can really cripple us. But the gospel shines in this.
"There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." - Romans 8:1
There is a little legalism in all of us. We think we have to earn it back. When we've fallen, there is no condemnation. God is not angry and scowling. God sees us through Jesus. Sin makes us want to cover up in shame. But the blood of Christ covers all of our sin... God still loves us perfectly.
"So you also must consider yourselves dead to sin and alive to God in Christ Jesus." - Romans 6:11
Keeping in mind the grace we have in Christ, we consider ourselves dead to sin. We should get back up and fight again. Sin is like a chicken with its head cut off. It is still running around, but it is dead. When Christ died, He conquered sin and death. We keep failing and falling into sin, but it is the flails of a dying foe. Christ has already struck the deathblow. We get up and fight sin because we know it is already dead. It is just a matter of time.
Recognize that fasting from sex makes you appreciate Christ more
Consider the fact that Paul says that fasting from sex to devote time to prayer is permissible. It is saying that focusing on Jesus is recognizing He is the bread of life. When we abstain from sex, it is to focus on the true bread... the true life-giver. It is to look at that which sex points to... the one who satisfies and gives us ultimate joy. Consider the reason why we fast during Lent. There is a bad way to fast and there is a good way to fast. As we fast from sex, may we draw closer to Christ.
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