The Peacemaking Church: How To Approach Those Who Have Wronged You

[Matthew 18:15-20]

"If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector. Truly, I say to you, whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven. Again I say to you, if two of you agree on earth about anything they ask, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them."

{Rev. Dwight Yoo}

Let us first bow our heads and pray for those who are brokenhearted in Japan.

While these principles can be widely applied to all our relationships, this is specifically for those who have sinned against us in church. It is for brothers and sisters within the body. There is an assumption that the people here are committed to a church body. They know other members and the leadership. It is an assumption of membership. If you have been here for awhile, please consider becoming a member of the church.

Verse 15

If your brother sins against you, go! While some sins can and should be overlooked in love, there are some that we should bring up and confront.

You need to GO and tell them, if their actions...
- Dishonor God.
- Damage your relationship.
- Hurt others.
- Hurts themselves.

What excuses stand in our way?
- We claim that we should be forgiving all the time.
- We think we are being judgmental.
- We think only the Holy Spirit should be doing this.
- We don't want to confront others.

Between you and them alone.
While it is wise to seek counsel, we should not be talking to everyone but the person who offended you. Usually the heart behind it is one of trying to get them on YOUR side. "Oh, that person is so wicked." "So jacked up" But if we are not seeking counsel, we are gossiping and slandering. God is not pleased. Satan, however, is very pleased.

Go with the right attitude.
- Go as a fellow sinner, as a servant... to build up and restore (Galatians 6:1)
+ Watch out for pride & judgment of others.
+ Be mindful that we may struggle differently, but we all struggle.

Verse 16
- Take one or two others along

Verse 17
- Take one of two others along again.

These one or two others are there to reconcile. They are there to be a force for peacemaking. Note that there is nothing here in regards to agreement between both parties on when to call in a third party from the body. This third party is not here to be on ANYONE's side. They are there to bring peace. If this does not work, this matter should be brought to the church leadership. The third party will then play a role as a witness to the leadership. If this does not bring about peace and reconciliation, then they will be treated as unbelievers. What does that mean? It means that you still love them, you still pursue them, but you ask them whether they truly know Christ and the gospel. They are not to be condemned, but the nature of the relationship changes. Their actions do not reflect one who has the Spirit living within them. There is a lack of grace, a lack of love, & no desire for true peace.

"Nothing is so cruel as the tenderness that consigns another to his sin. Nothing can be more compassionate than the severe rebuke that calls a brother back from the path of sin." - Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Keep in mind that we sometimes need to wound people to save them. When doctors are dealing with those who have cancer, it is not cruel to cut them open to remove the tumor(s). It may be strange to see someone cutting someone open (from afar, not knowing the situation). But it is the most loving thing to do.