Fighting for Love against Lust

"You have heard that it was said, 'You shall not commit adultery.'  But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.  If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell.  And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body go into hell.- Matthew 5:27‭-‬30 ESV

Rev. Dwight Yoo

Survey the terrain

There was no way to convince the original audience of Jewish people that adultery is wrong. That keeping sex inside of marriage is right and true. Jesus did not need to explain or defend the idea of marriage being the proper and only place for sex.

Firstly, sex is a good thing. It is not dirty or just necessary for babies. It is a gift from God. Song of songs is an entire book about the joy in sex within the parameters of marriage. Sex is designed by God for a specific purpose and context. If you take sex and use it outside of marriage, it will destroy both sex and hurt yourself.

Marriage is a permanent, exclusive, and complete promise to one another. This covenant is the bedrock that allows for true intimacy between people. The couple become one flesh. Sex is a reflection of how the couple is one in our ways. Spiritual & mental closeness is expressed in sex. You cannot divorce the two.

Our modern culture has a different point of view. It recognizes no God. We are just random bits. So we are no better than animals. What is the difference between eating and sex? It's just satisfying hunger of different types.

Sex causes bonding. There is a chemical reaction from sex that causes people to bond. Sex outside of marriage causes people to damage sex and marriage. They hookup and walk away. Eventually, sex loses the ability to cause bonding. So then there is no longer the commitment bonding from sex. Those who abuse sex in their lives will eventually find that sex no longer helps to bond spouses together. It results in commitment issues.

Sex is not self centered and something to be shared with anyone. It loses its beauty, joy, and the ultimate worth of sex when it is done outside of marriage. Boundaries make sex better not less.

Where the battle lies

God's standards are higher than we can possibly imagine. It is not just avoiding sex outside of marriage. To look at someone with lustful thoughts is sinful.

Sexual desire is not sinful. Noticing attractiveness in someone is not sinful. Wanting sex is not sinful. Jesus was a man, so he felt desire. He was tempted. But that is not sin. So then what is lust? It is what comes after noticing attractiveness. Lust is to desire something that you do not possess. It is imagining sexual intimacy with someone who is not your spouse. It is coveting sex with someone who we are not married to. The seed of lust in the heart, unchecked, results in adultery.

How to fight

Sexual immorality is not about sex. It is about what it represents. Masturbation can be about handling stress. No need for conversation or going on dates. Women can have sex to feel wanted and desired, if only for a moment.

Sexually immorality always pushes for more. You start with pictures, but soon that is not enough. From there you go to videos, then from there to people. Sexual sin cannot just stop, it is an addiction that just demands more and more. It cannot be a pet sin; it will devour you. 

Do whatever it takes to kill sin. Do not try to manage sin. Cut it out of your life. Be ruthless with it because it will be ruthless with you. Those who belong to the kingdom will have this attitude. Vigilant fighting against sin is one of the characteristics of a Christian. Not perfect fighting, but the heart and attitude.

1) The true standard of God's law drives us into the arms of Jesus. Do not fight sin in our power, but with the Holy Spirit. The God of David the giant slayer is also the God of David the adulterer and murderer of Uriah.

2) Our true and ultimate love, comfort, and ecstacy is in God and Jesus. Sex and marriage point to Jesus. Sex and marriage will not exist in heaven because they are shadows and signs pointing to God, the one in whom we will find the greatest satisfaction and contentment.

3) Know yourself and be known. Have fellow Christians know when you will struggle with sin. Have others know what you struggle with and walk with them. Sin flourishes in the dark. We are all struggling with this. We can all improve in this area. Have two close people who can ask you the tough questions and who you can ask hard questions.