Ephesians 4:30-5:2 ESV
And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.
Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.
Rev. Dwight Yoo
Paul is switching from declarative to descriptive language. He was speaking of who we are in Christ, now of how we should act/conduct ourselves.
Loving others gives us a good idea of whether we are right with God. If we are not right with Him, we treat people badly. Loving others is for the glory of God. We can have great devotional lives and still be far from God.
Be angry and do not sin. Anger is not sinful or wrong. God is the angriest person in the bible. His anger is righteous. It is a reaction to sin. That is a proper response to evil. It is not just getting angry because things aren't going our way. That is not righteous anger. Sin is what impacts God's glory, His kingdom, and will. Not things in our little kingdoms. Righteous anger works toward good things in a controlled manner.
We are not often righteous in our anger. It is a rare thing... so Paul tells is to be careful. We often repeat the unhealthy ways of expressing anger as modeled by our parents. Paul lists off some unhealthy methods. Bitterness is a spiritual sourness which cannot see the goodness. Wrath and seething is like an explosive and boiling. Clamor is hot and uncontrolled. Slander is a cold and calculated anger. Malice is wishing ill will on others. We are to put off these ways.
Kindness is more than being nice. It is seeking to good of others. Tenderhearted is seeking to do good even to those who are dealing with the costs of things they rightly deserve. Forgiveness is accepting the cost of sin, rather than seeking payback from those who have wronged us. We are not exacting a cost of those who have wronged us.
The motivations of a Christian is different. It is because we have a relationship with Christ. The Holy Spirit lives in our hearts and when we do not live rightly, He is grieved. God chose this because he loves us. We choose to keep His commands because we do not wish to hurt Him. God wishes the best for us and sin breaks His heart. This love is why we want to change. The Holy Spirit is grieved, but keep grieving Him and He will discipline you. He will let you taste the emptiness of sinful living, so that we will repent.
The other reason for the Christian is because we are His children. We are in God's family and should live as such. We are adopted into the family of God and so we should dress and act.
The power to change our behavior or habits is not pure willpower. We are saved by grace, but it also motives us to work hard. We should use our energy to focus on what Christ has accomplished for us. It should be a cross-centered work. Your unrighteous anger comes from your idols. Hurtful, bitter, and upset over things that we desire... more than God. By focusing on God, we can let go of these little things, little desires. Kindness, tenderheartedness, and forgiveness is a reflection of God's actions toward us in Christ. Jesus is the kindness, tenderness, and forgiveness from God. From this, we see how we are called to act. It is not an easy thing; but it is available through the grace of God. The power that raised Christ is at work in us. We can and will change.
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